This is about fatigue again. How do you know when it’s time to stop, time to step back, time to cancel? I’m almost always confused and uncertain about my (probably) MS-related flare-ups and episodes of overall exhaustion and the decisions that follow.
Should I push through, should I cancel or is there any option in-between? I’m basically bad in finding a middle way in almost any aspect of life, which is mostly a burden and causes me a lot of trouble.
I often tend to choose the extrem, mostly to cancel in relation to fatigue before I gave at least a try. Not even trying seems to be the well-known, safe path, but it’s also the depressing one. I often end up in self-pity wining about my active and adventurous past. I CAN’T – is the dominating sentence all around my head. And it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy then. If I decided on “I CAN’T”, I gave in and the whole day is set. I can’t even accept my decision to cancel and chill but loading myself with self-blaming and fear of losing everything (see, the problem of extremes and generalizations again!) and my situation just gets worse in result of that cascade.
On one hand, sometimes I’m not even able to get up to go to the bathroom so there is just nothing to decide on.
On the other hand, sometimes if I push trough, against all my inner resistance – I find it was the right decision because it lifts me up again and leads me back to reality that is not just black and white, just in or our, just one way or the other, but a lot in-between depart from the stuff that’s going on in my head. And also often I just over-do it and blame my self for trying afterwards because I keep ignoring that I have limits now that I haven’t had some years ago.
So how do I know? Am I getting lazy and anxious or is it the right amount of self-protection? Am I losing track? Is it because I haven’t had a long history of MS yet to know what’s right for me in a particular moment or is it just impossible to know because MS is nothing but linear?
How do you know?